when mama bear and papa bear left the hut

this is the unedited version.

i think i have the most colorful life. i think, i don't know how to start this but lets start with a line. "what would you feel if your parents wouldn't accept you for who you are?" tough right?

may 25, 2008, midnight, inside my mom and dad's room, we (me and carlz) staring at the wall blankly. we are talking about sexuality, our sexuality. my mom asked my twin, "are you gay?" it was just to confirm coz they knew all the while we were but she was just neglecting the thought of it. there was no answer. he was asked again and again but was hesitant to answer. time was running out! i wanted to admit my gayhood on the 25th and now what? a minute and clock will pass midnight! oh shoot! i insisted to answer the question but mom said it would be good for carlz to answer the question first.

it was a year and about a couple of months since our 'out' moment. we thought that all these time, they were Ok with the thought and they were happy about it. but seriously, they weren't! they assumed that some miracle would happen and maybe we will change! HELL NO!

i dont blame my parents for having felt that. i think, they were just stuck to the gay stereotype that "they dress like women and they make girls pretty (parloristas).

the fact that they were not open of how modern gays are described brought me to my knees, well, not literally! as exhaustion and frustration sank in, i almost felt that moment alone was the beginning of all my explaining. that gays today/even before were not really cross-dressers. probably one of my most down moments, i wasn't sure how and what to explain. good thing i haven't had an anxiety attack.

society taught me that the only thing people could respect you, is only when you open up and accept you for who you are. i'm a liberal thinker. i believe that in order for me to know that i hadn't been considerate or how my parents felt when they knew i was gay. i just thought that it was inherent that all parents were to accept their child for who and what he is (maybe i was just down when i wrote this last line).

the fact remains that life is not always fair! i think that no matter how unacceptable our being 'gay' to our parents were, we should respect them because they are our parents. as the line goes, "ang mga magulang, di matitiis ang anak"(parents always care about their children), well, in my case, the other way around. we can't just push them to accept us. we cant just tell them that we are gay and everything will be fine. i understand my parents for not accepting who we were. my case isn't just the only one. i know that there are a lot of people who understood my standpoint. im still hopeful though that time will come that my parents will wholeheartedly with open arms tell me and my twin, "no matter who you are, we love you and we will always be proud of you!"

*originally posted no facebook as notes.
*story applicable in philippine setting.
*i have a twin,