Tuesday, May 26, 2009

ive had the roughest time!

i dont know how to start it but i had this feeling that i really had to blog something. my mind tells me to write something that i do know what. its a bit awkward that i was so fascinated with the use of the net that i nearly forgot that my blog, or this one ever existed. well, i had pondered on things lately and i realized how the world was so big and how useless and tiny i was. i have also learned that life has many things to offer. i had seen this movie "snow cake" and i realized how lonely it was to live alone--at least with autism.  

living this short a life is what makes me bothered, and worried and a bit annoyed.  im a bit sad thinking that i have only one year for my uni and the situation hit me like a big-yellow-student-full school bus.  i have dreamed of going to singapore after graduation.  a dream i dont know how to start or if it will really start. or whatever. i was fortunate that i got my family behind me who has been very supportive in my entire stay in school.

on last night's show in oprah, they were talking about finances and i was shocked that i was really consumed by status that i nearly forgot that i cant afford things which i normally buy. for instance, drinking coffee everyday for 5 bucks isnt rewarding. i dont have a job. my allowance isnt enough, i dont get pay checks! like i was really driven by my friends to be this and that-a person who is not me. and i think that having to cancel night-outs or not having to smoke a whole pack of cigar really helps a lot, i mean financially. i began to realize how important it was for me to be safe all the time and how to manage my time wisely. i never really imagined that summer will have an impact so huge, like this, on me. 

this will be a testament that i had once been a victim of cigarette. this will be a proof that i will change my old ways and be a better person. i will have to avoid going out and indulging in vices because i know i am not that  and i dont have the resources to spend.

i guess, i will just have to end this by a quote from edie brit, desperate housewife...
"its not hard to die if you know you have lived."