Monday, March 9, 2009

and my feared day came!

friday night. my grandma was rushed to the hospital and was delivered in ICU. saturday morning, her sister, my grandma's lola's interment. sunday morning, her breathing became abnormal and her pulse rate were becoming fainter. sunday afternoon, she passed away.

i do not understand why things came so sudden that i just had to grieve for a loss of someone beloved and here i am again, repeating the same thing over again, but this time it was intense. she was my own blood. she was the last female legend of my lineage.

i could vividly remember how she would get mad at us when things dont go as she wanted. to run after us when we do not abide by her instructions and she would buy us stuffs we like even though she doesnt have that share of money. my grandma is someone i have been looking up. a person i trusted my life and the person i look forward greeting each day. i would tell her how much i love her and dont ellicit a response. of course! she had alzheimers.

i never did blamed God for this. but i came to ask myself why these things are happening. i came to a point where i assessed myself of the things ive been doing to show my love to my dear granny. it disheartens me to think that she was not given proper care and that she was being pulled from here and there by family members.

pathetic! how will lola see what they've done?

i never realize that my family, my own kin, will be very greedy with their wealth that even just a little, they cant spare for her.

another thing is that papa cant go back here in the philippines. she was very dear to him and that he cant accompany her to her grave. but the good thing is that he was able to show how much he loved nanay (lola) when she was still breathing. he was able to fulfill his obligation as a child thus he has nothing to worry about.

just this morning, at school, i was alone. looking at the greet grasses at the field a strong wind blew. and as i looked up the sky, i remembered my grandma, how she smiles, how she walks, even how she sings her favorite song 'walk on through the rain'. i told myself, lola is letting me feel her presence. i am loved.

if i had one thing i am sure she knew before she passed away is that i loved her as much as i loved my parents. the last words i remebered telling her were 'i love you, nay'.

i will just continue my life limping. walk with stilts and walk without someone by my side knowlegeable of the world im into. for wherever she is, i know she is safe and glorious. she fought a good fight. she was the warrior in her own battalion. she was strong. i know she was!

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