Saturday, September 19, 2009

alcohol, caffeine and NICOTINE

few months left until that holiday break. few months to march on march. im almost freakin out with how things turned out these past few days. its not at all major but it really pisses me off - lousier than a month without sex. to start, a good friend, who used to be a clique is not indifferent. im startled and i stood aghast as everthing uncovered on its own. second, this whole horror room thing sucks! im really tired and i feel nonsense (well, just for a while). i wish i can fritter one day and be free with all the wrinkles and hustles. thirdly, i really feel that with my 2 going 3 week non stop drinking, it would make my liver look like a rotten log. but let me highlight on the second one (even if im not fond of derek fisher's number - la lakers, something i googled).

playing with those rolled papers, lit them up and gasp some smoke when i was just a little kid was a bitter sweet feeling. i really cal smoker turned smoke belcher turned chimney and now gawd knows what! i am not pro smokingnt recall when i first respired a cigarette but gawd knows i didn't at all barked or something. im like a socia or whatever, its just that i feel the urge to get hold of that c-stick and just feel the gushing smoke and things are always getting better! (everytime). i was planning to quit january which was included in my resolution but quit is such a big word. now i have a cranky feeling and i feel the need to stop! completely. the thing is this, im not yet ready to throw those butts away, empty the ashtray or even use the lighter for its purpose. after all, if i really wanted to stop, or quit or what-word-best-describes-it!, it is a choice. to stay smoke free or to end in smoke.

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